I have to blog this off my chest...

I usually don't get feelings this powerful. They're usually really subtle and I try to listen and follow and no big deal. Well my sweet baby boy has reached the stage where his physical capabilities are above his mental, like opening doors and wandering into the pool, street, strangers with candy etc. This really isn't a problem at home because we try to stay at least one step ahead with BL-proofing to keep him safe.

But for the past few days I've had this immense feeling that I really need to keep a close watch on him. Even to the extent that I don't feel comfortable leaving him in the care of anyone other than a few people. 3 to be exact and one is me.

I had a tiny situation today that ended up being nothing, but for a few minutes I really caught a glimpse of what it would be like to take my eyes off of him for just a minute and for it all to be gone. For my sweet, darling baby, to whom I have dedicated the past 2 years of my life, to just be gone.

It can happen that fast. In 60 seconds or less I could become the inadequate Mom who wasn't watching close enough. I'm so hoping that this is just a reality check for me to step up and take better care and not a preparation of something to come. For those short minutes I was freaking out today, I began to sweat (in a freezing cold office), my eyes welled up and my mind just started racing.

I can't imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't heard his sweet voice and saw his cute face to wipe away all my fears. My heart really goes out to the Mothers and Fathers who have lived through this and continue to move forward. I hope and pray I am never faced with that. I really think that would beat me.